High school sports certainly have their merits. Young athletes have the opportunity to compete, exercise and forge the glory days that they can relive for the rest of their sad, sad lives.
Anyone who’s ever had a whistle dangling atop his or her sweaty swishy suit has believed that sports are a vehicle that leads to greater life lessons than “set screens,” “box out” and “get low” (this one’s not bad). In a way it’s true. When done right, sports could teach you accountability, teamwork, heartbreak, redemption, etc. But oftentimes these lessons fall in the hands of the wrong teachers, and stupid becomes what coach says.
Here’s some of the worst lessons High School sports would have taught me if I had no stupid filter.
It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s whether you play hard
Though endearing, this isn’t exactly the most accurate intro to the Capitalist world. In their defense, I don’t even think coaches believe this bullshit. If they did, why do they scream at us when we lose?
Authoritarianism is a-okay
Leave it to America to be lost on the fact that one of the most prototypically American occupations — the high school football coach — leads in the least American manner. Of course, anarchy has no place on the gridiron and there must be a level of control, but we can’t overlook this absurdity. Let’s spread democracy to the world but keep it off our football fields.
I suppose military officers do the same thing, but high school sports are kiinda different/less important.
For some reason, God is tuning in
In the mind of the high school coach, God takes a break from watching war, famine, poverty and The O’Reilly Factor to catch every single high school sporting event. He will also give His blessing to your team if you pray before the game. He may be in the locker room for the other team that’s doing the same thing, but in His heart of hearts he knows the Arrows fucking suck.